How to spit it out and Susie is a tricksy one

Ok so yesterday I said I’d bought a book about being a woman with Aspegers but I wasn’t comfortable with that classification. I just wanted to say why because I don’t want to upset anyone who is happy being an Aspie woman.

I’ll get on to tricksy Susie at the end. Bear with me.

Or skip this self indulgent blah explanation ang get straight to the fun bit about alpacas.

To get diagnosed with autism as an adult in the UK there seem to be only one way and that is as an adult with Aspergers.

When I was trying to find out if my beautiful (capable and amazing) son was on the spectrum I read lots online and took out books in the library. One of the books which really spoke to me directly was Thom Hartmann’s ‘Attention Deficit Disorder. A different Perception’. So while I was unsure about my son I was sure I had ADD.

I went to my GP twice. The first time I was sent away with ‘you have probably been reading too much into your sons condition and now self identify. Come back again if you feel nothing has changed.’  I saw a different GP the second time. He told me I had anxiety (new to me but turned out to be true) and probably had Bipolar not autism. Anyway he did send me to a counsellor (she was fantastic and weirdly Colombian!). And she referred me to the Asperger psychologist. In my first session I was quite sure I did not have Aspergers but probably ADD or possibly High Functioning Autism. You see I was quite particular about the differences especially at this point of being new to reading about each different strand on the spectrum. But they only offer the Asperger diagnosis. So after four or five sessions (and talking to my Mum) the psychologist said I had a working diagnosis of Aspergers. But I have never been comfortable with this ‘label’ and I’ll explain more below.

I did ask for a ‘test’ for ADD and went along to an intial meeting. It was horrible experience. I cried. Basically if I wanted drugs she would refer me to the specialist. But I didn’t and don’t so I left. Humiliated and wondering why I had wanted to put myself through all this.

It was a good experience in many ways because I really felt utterly crap afterwards and realised I was capable in many ways and what I wanted to do was stop myself falling in big holes and messing up my life as I had done before. So I picked myself up and am slowly starting from the basics.

These are a few of the reasons I know I have ADD.

Disorganisation and indecision followed by snap decisions (not always good ones).

(Very very) Easily distracted from things I am not interested in but can not bear/hear/notice others when I am loving what I am doing.

Distortions of time sense… I am a total daydreamer or obsessive about a task I want to complete. More commonly known to everyone around me as not paying attention to them.

As a child I also used to sit outside my mums friends houses and collect stones (often just gravel 😦 ). I would not go in.

I could go on (obsessively) but anyway I don’t believe I am an Aspbie because I don’t classify things (I don’t like labels really), I don’t remember facts (although I do remember telephone numbers long ones), so that’s why…

If anyone wants to keep talking about this or themselves or the differences between ADD, Aspegers, High Functioning Autism… I’ll happily do that…

So Susie…

I went and took Ida out for a fifth time and noticed that the others were being mean to her as I haltered her. I thought, ‘huh they are making it personal’ so after I took Ida out on the lead rope I haltered Susie.

Oh she does like contortions and using her body to not do things. It could have been considered painful. Each movement her head was low and she took steps in groups of two or three then stopped. But I was patient. Even when she lay down I just went over and gave her some Ttouch. And waited then encouraged her to get up. And she did it. She doesn’t like going round the old branches and she didn’t like going back into the shelter, as it had small space with me infront, so I went behind her and gave her a little push (oh and more Ttouch) and in she went.

It was slow. And she was stumbly and tricksy. But she did do it. Next stop Dolores, Mrs spitty pants herself. We can do it girls!

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